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Date-Disaster-HELP!

OK,… I should have listened to an email I got recently after writing about online dating, which said “just be sure you have an exit strategy”. Well, but somehow I thought that obviously does not apply to real-world dating, and … I was wrong! Very wrong.
Today I had dinner with a guy I recently met at a friends party. At the time we both did not have much time to speak to each other, though I really liked his looks and he seemed nice – so we exchanged numbers on the way home. A day later he texted me and we agreed to meet today… And that was where the disaster started.
We met in a restaurant in Charlotte Street (he arranged it), and it all seemed really nice for the first half hour. Great place, the guy is cute, and yes, for half an hour he seemed nice. But then somehow he decided that I could be his personal therapist/psychoanalyst/councilor for the evening. What a nightmare! I mean there is nothing wrong with saying some things – but giving me a run down of every (sexual and other) phobia, every funny thought, dream and whatever else sprang to his mind rounded of with a good lecture on how he was psychic and how difficult that made his life (“I can see my future in your aura!”?!) – is just a bit too much.
While at first it seemed kind of funny – after about an hour of detailed descriptions why he would never sleep with anyone without wearing at least two condoms (“I feel the holes in them”), and other details which I really don’t want to repeat (but certainly did not make feel like trying anything with him!), I definitely started to loose the will to live.
And just as I thought it could not get any worse (and after I steadfastly refused any desert, coffee or anything else to follow) he started to tell me in minute detail why he was seeing a professional therapist because of his previous relationship problems. Unfortunately, I did not stop him from ordering a desert and coffee for himself (which I should have done!) and I have now learned that it is possible to spend at least three times as much time on a desert than on a main course.
Finally I maged to get out of the restaurant after we payed the bill (double dutch!)..or more precisely: the last waiter was eager to go home, and asked us to pay (dear waiter: I love you!)… And, just five minutes later I got a text from him saying how much we connected and asking me if I would like t see him tomorrow (NO!). Just amazing how sometimes psychic powers seem to be quite unreliable…!
From the safe distance of my flat, the entire evening seems like a (pretty bad?) sitcom, though this evening (somewhere between him explaining me his views on gay relationships and his phobia of liquids or so) I was seriously wondering if I should not simply give up dating (I tend to like safe options, unless they involve two condoms during oral sex).
In short: It doesn’t matter how cute the guy, I have learned my lesson. Next time I shall have an exit strategy. And dinner dates are ok for a second date – but first dates are strictly a drink only (though I am sure we can always make that a very long drink for the right person!).

A little update on the volunteering stuff…

A couple of weeks back I wrote about volunteering. Well, as an update: I have recently started an introduction course to the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard. It runs for a couple of weeks, and then I can have some live training on the phone.
In a lot of ways, it seems like a nice place – both in terms of making a difference, as well as in terms of meeting some friendly people in a relaxed atmosphere. Sure, it is a bit of a commitment, but I really feel quite positive about it. And most certainly the people I have met in the place all seem like genuinely nice people with whom it is great to hang out, have a drink, a laugh or just a chat between training sessions.
Will keep you posted

Hey, haven’t I seen you online?

After a bit of messaging around, I actually met someone from the online world today. Not really in the sense of a traditional date – but rather in the form of running into the person on the street. Oups!
In a way it was quite funny: I cam out of my place and was walking up the road. A guy came towards me, stopped and asked if we haven’t chatted online. And bingo – we had! The good news: The guy looked really a lot nicer in real life than in his pictures. Not exactly the kind of guy I would want to have a relationship or a wild night or anything in between with – but a really nice mate. The bad news: we both had to go somewhere – so we could not really chat for too long. However, we went to the tube together, exchanged phone numbers and will probably go for a drink in the local at some stage. Funny

Yes we are…Online!

After much procrastination, I have finally jumped and signed up to three (call me desperate?) online dating sites. I’m still kind of sceptical, as although I am a real devotee of social networking sites, dating sites seem a bit strange to me. Anyway, I’m not really looking for Mr Right at the moment, rather mates, maybe friendship, maybe just some fun. In any case, I think it is time to actually meet more guys and lets see what happens next.
So without much ado, here her the links to my profiles on Gaydar, Fitlads & Gayromeo

A little update: Since I have registered, somehow Gayromeo decided to have me on their frontpage. Which cause a total flurry of messages (hey,… thank you!). Some are from really amazing looking guys – so maybe my scepticism was unfounded? I shall keep you posted!

Sorry about the quiet time…!

Really sorry about being so quiet the last few weeks. I feel really guilty! Things were incredibly busy at work, so my private live was virtually non existent. Luckily that was followed by a bit of holidays (more about that later!).
As a little consolation, I have started using this brilliant thing called Twitter, and you can now follow me live around… just become my friend or see on the right for updates.

Charity work = Friends (and dates)?

I had a rather interesting conversation with Steven, a friend of mine today. It was all about the difficulty of making friends (or at least anything more than a one-night stand). After years of quasi marriage, my social circle is virtually non existant, as my ex and I usually stayed in a lot rather than socialise with many people.
Steven, on the other hand is one of those amazing people that seem to have a rather large and varied circle of friends. I always wondered how he manages to know so many (and so varied) people. Especially in a city like London where and it is much easier to have sex than to make friends.
Anyway, he revealed his secret to me, and it was actually pretty simple (as all good solutions are?): “Volunteering for charities!”…
Come to think about it, it makes a lot of sense. For example, he delivers meals for the Food Chain, a charity that cooks meals for people with HIV. In short, this means that every couple of weeks, he spends two hours with another person in a car delivering these meals. If he likes the person, they can go for a drink after, exchange phone numbers or whatever – or if it doesn’t click, then at least it wasn’t a wasted date/day. He doesn’t only volunteer for that one charity, but rather has a selection of three or four different ones to choose from, which explains why when he has a party there are always a lot of different (and usually very nice) people – all of whom seem to get along great, which is quite amazing really.
Anyway, I am most certainly intrigued by his solution to the friends problem – and I am now wondering which charity I should sign up for. Of course, not only to make new friends – but I think a few new friends would certainly help!

Photo by George House Trust.

Lingering Ex

There is something strange about my ex. While three weeks ago I was still very much at a point where I would have returned given a hint, I thoroughly feel now that I have moved on. However, in a strange way, my ex seems to linger – and even look for situations which must be strangely unpleasant for him.
I have seen him a lot recently. But not, as you might expect in a situation which is private (like going to a bar and having a drink together), but rather he tends to phone up and ask if he can join me going out or being with friends. This might, of course, include me talking, flirting or in at least one instance kissing another guy right infront of him. Yet, somehow he seems not to mind – or at least will call back soon after and ask if he can come along again.
While very much in the beginning I was really hoping for a sign from him that maybe he would be jealous, I am now over that point and take him very much as just another person being in the same place with me.
Of course, I wonder: it make me a “bad” person flirting right in front of him? Am I playing with his feelings? Or is he so cool and has equally moved on.
Really – what is going on in his head?!

An amazing weekend…

In a lot of ways, sometimes I think things tend to happen exactly when you least expect them. Last weekend was a perfect example: I expected a fairly boring weekend with some friends coming from out-of-town. But it turned into a rather amazing weekend – and a long one!
It all started Thursday when I met with a business partner on Thursday, wo happened to be in London and asked me if I could go for a drink with him. While we work together, we had never physically met, and so this seemed a nice opportunity to put a face to the emails. I thought it was going to be a fairly straight forward business type meeting – but it turned out not only that he was gay (I did mention before that my gaydar is rather crap, didn’t I?), single – but also extremely good-looking. We got on like a house on fire really, and ever since then the emails between us have been pretty flirty. In fact, he invited me to come and visit him next weekend… so stay tuned for that one!

On Friday I went with a friend to a bar in Soho, where he met up with some other friends. One of the friends in the other groups was an amazing looking guy, very sporty and with dark hair and blue eyes (which I have to admit is something that makes me weak all the time!). Even more amazingly the guy started to speak to me almost as soon as we arrived, and didn’t move from my side for the entire evening. While I’m not usually the guy who goes home with a date the first night, this night I did, and I really did not regret it.
Although the guy is certainly not relationship material, just the fact that he hit on me made me fairly self-confident and really quite happy. Especially, as this was the second day in a row that somehow I got a little more attention than I thought I merited.

Actually, thinking of this, it is quite amazing how I’m on the one side scared of being rejected, but flattered by getting attention (even if I don’t want to take it any further). Quite a paradox.

The next evening I went with my out-of-town friends to Heaven (yeah, I know!). Again, I didn’t expect it to be any good – but I was very wrong: The music was really amazing and – yet again – a nice guy started to chat with me. We ended up dancing and chatting together until 5, and will probably see each other again this weekend.

Finally, on Monday I met with a really nice guy from a charity I work for. Again it seemed that sparks were flying – and we have been texting a lot over the last few days.
Of course, the funny thing is that at the start of the weekend, I expected it to be rather dull… but somehow I have been smiling ever since .

Photo by Mark A Jones.

How to approach Mr or Ms Right?

One of the biggest problems when out and about for me is not the lack of potential Mr Rights. In a city like London I come across literally hundreds of pople who seem nice every day – and even if only a fraction of them would be gay and interested in me, I would probably have more dates than I could ever imagine. But, and I guess I am not alone in this, the crucial point is that it is the first step that seems the hardest for me. Just being confident enough and starting to speak to total strangers and making a first connection where there is obviously no need to speak to them feels more embarrassing than telling my mother I have an STI.

I really admire people who have mastered this art form. Of course, if I am honest, then I think I am quite good at it as well – as long as I am truly not attracted to the other person. For example, if I meet a woman somewhere I have little trouble in talking to her. OK, if it is the first encounter, and if there is obviously no need to talk, then yes I do still find it strange to make the first step – but it is not something really terrible. Maybe typical of many gay men, this has resulted in a wide circle of really nice female friends,… yet, given the chance of speaking to the nicest guy in the universe, I will try and get out of there as fast as I can (and I will run out of conversation topics in two milliseconds!).

Recently, I have started to read the adventures of a fellow Londoner single guy(though he is not playing for “my” team ). And it is quite amazing just how much I find myself in again in his stories. He has started to be quite professional in his approach (with a traget number of women to speak to), and an amazing stamina when it comes to speaking to them – yet it makes some interesting reading when thinking about just how much the first few seconds terrorise men, gay or straight – and judging by his comments – women alike.